addicted to
i'm not here to win
i'm here to leave a legacy
it's the passion that drives you
endorphins
pain
exhaustion
chasing this insane dream
perfection
tagboard ;
guestbook
The Bustle in a House
The Morning after Death
Is solemnest of industries
Enacted upon earth-
The Sweeping up the Heart,
And putting Love away
We shall not want to use again
Until Eternity.
Emily Dickinson
dug that out from sec 4 lit poetry text- "Poems Deep and Dangerous" and started flipping through. i love the life and death section.. hur.
10 days away from a whole year. somehow, it doesn't feel like it's been that long. so many many many many. sigh. things. there. i don't know how to face it. it was all so intense and i don't know how i dragged myself through three hundred and fifty-five days.
i feel like i'm trapped in some sort of nightmare. i don't even feel the hours passing nowadays. weeks pass and i don't ..feel like. i've lived them. everything's become so routine, so technical. it's just study study study. if it's not studying it's eating or bathing or sleeping or it's taking a break from studying.
is it possible to lose purpose you never had in the first place?
i don't know how to describe it but it's horrible. i feel like i've jumped into one of my dark depression holes again. i can't control the things i do, the emotions i feel, the thoughts i have, anymore. why is that. it's just so horrible... i don't get why i keep falling into them i .. just want to escape from everything. it's just so scary to feel like i'm in this all alone and like i could just slip away from everything and not feel like i will miss any of this.
:"(